So uh... What?

I really have no idea what's changed. I won't lie; this definitely isn't the first time I've started a blog before. But never before have I so consistently wanted to blog, and I have to wonder, what in the world makes this blog different? The last time I blogged with even remote consistency, it was probably the summer going into my Sophomore year of high school. And then, the only reason I was blogging was because I was severely depressed and I didn't really have any other outlet for the mottled batch of emotions I had spinnin' around my adolescent head. So why now?

I'll be honest - I first started writing on this blog again simply because I'm a follower and I like to feel included. So when a bunch of vloggers I respect and a lot of friends I love were all blogging, it didn't exactly take me long to get sucked into the whole thing. But I don't really think that's what it is now. I think I've figured out two reasons why I have this sudden interest in something so entirely self-absorbed though:

I think Hayley G. Hoover actually worded the first one perfectly in her birthday blog post - "Not because I've given tonight's blog post a ton of thought, but because I know I would hate myself later if I didn't put forth any effort." I think I just sorta recognize that this is a massive part of my life with a major buttload of potential, and I wanna make sure that in the future, when I wanna look back at the year and remember it (because I know I will) that I have a really accurate way to do so. I wanna be able to reminisce with myself years down the line, and I can't really think of a better way to make that possible than to document my goings-on.

Now that I think of it, I can probably quote Hayley from the same post for my second reason too: "Less than a year ago, I began writing a blog. At first, it was just a way to pass the time. Now, it is consistently the most relaxing and meditative part of my day." Okay, so I can't say that this is true for me just yet, but I sort of desperately hope that eventually it will be. I've made it more than clear that I've loaded myself up to the max with activities and school and working, and while I really do love most of what I do, none of it's just for me, y'know? This is the only time and place I feel like I have absolutely no obligations to anyone, and I can do with it whatever I please. And there's a helluva lot to say about that, agreed?

Honestly, I hardly know why I care so much though. I mean, does it really matter why I'm doing it, as long as it's being done, I'm enjoying it, and it's not causing any harm? Probably not, but I've always had a bit of a preoccupation with asking questions.

Such a strange world...

Okay, so I really don't have time to be writing this, but this weekend's been pretty eventful, and I feel like I should record it. So uh, here goes. Bahaha.

On Saturday, I took my senior portraits at the Japanese gardens at Normandale. It was REALLY freaking pretty there, and I'm so glad I chose to take my pictures there. They had a waterfall and everything and it was just ugh. Gorgeous. I had two and a half outfits, you could say. The first one was just a black tank top with a lil' pink sweater and jeans, and I like to think of it as my "Katie as you know her" outfit. Like, if I was just gonna get dressed for school and try to look a lil' bit better than I usually do, then that's something I might choose. But then I had my second outfit, which I've dubbed my "Katie all grown up" outfit. It was like, this short-sleeved brown sweater dress thing, with these REALLY cute brown boots, a waist belt, and black leggings. I gotta admit, I usually wouldn't dress like that, but I felt really freaking pretty in it. What I meant by the half outfit though, is for a few pictures in the set, I donned my Hufflepuff scarf and pulled out my copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (it's my favorite). He had me sit on this stone wall that was sort of overlooking the rest of the garden, and I seriously feel like it sorta had a Hogwarts vibe to it - there was a willow in the background and everything, man. I should be getting proofs of the pictures in like a week, and I can't wait to scan them onto here and show you guys. >:D

OH HEY. But even before senior portraits, I met the girl I'm gonna be leading my new HP Alliance chapter with! Her name's Stephanie, and she's 19, and she's TOTALLY awesome. I still can hardly believe there's another Hufflepuff Nerdfighter in the Twin Cities. We just chilled out for like an hour around the Mall of America and bonded and wasted time, and it was so great. I can't wait to meet up with again or something and start planning the interest meeting for our chapter.

Later that night I pretty much just camped out on the computer and talked to my Skype friends. Seriously, it was a major heart-to-heart moment. We talked about a lot of really personal stuff we'd just never really gotten around to otherwise, and it was really freaking nice. I don't have much I wanna say about it, but I just wanted to tell everyone from that chat that I love you sosososooo much, and you're all amazing, whether you were there last night or not.

Todaaay though, I had my first Spectrum meeting of the year! Spectrum is my church's senior high youth group (grades ten through twelve) and I love it so much. I'm on the leadership team with like, fifteen kids, so we've planned out the entire year together, and I think it's gonna be really fun this year. Ben, one of the other kids on leadership team, has been insisting on doing those parachute games we all used to do when we were in like preschool for the games section, and we finally got to do it today, and it was chaotic and random and wonderful. My best friend Mallery tagged along today too, and it sounds like she's gonna do her best to come with on Sundays from now on, so I'm really excited.

But none of that's really what I actually wanted to talk about. The whole reason I started this blog post in the first place is to explore how freaking weird senior year is. I got home from youth group, and I ended up talking to my mom and our friend Reneé about how there are these kids from the Honors English program that I've just never gotten along with. But then I ended up mentioning that despite the fact that we have next to nothing in common and they drive me crazy, I genuinely love these kids. It's so weird. Senior year is SO weird. Like, half of the kids at my school, I honestly don't like. But I still love them, because it's like they're family, y'know? Like that drunken uncle who you always see at Christmas that totally creeps you out, but you always give him a big smile and hug him when he's leaving, just because even if he's weird, he's still one of your own. Y'know what I mean? I dunno, maybe none of that makes sense. But either way, it sort of just occurred to me that I'm sort of gonna miss high school a bit. I've always known that I'll be the one crying at graduation, but I think I've always sort of assumed that was because of the select few people that I REALLY care about at Richfield, and that it'll be the end of a major chapter in my life. But it sorta just hit me today that that's not gonna be the only reason I'm crying at graduation.

Oh man, everything's so mangled and unclear. It's horrible, but I sort of love.

Thoughts On What's To Come

I feel the need to blog as I sit here at 2:26 in the morning, and for some reason, here seems like a more appropriate place to do this than Tumblr. Not entirely sure why this is. Maybe because pretty much all of my friends that have Tumblr also have a separate blog on which they actually... y'know, post stuff. Either way, I'm here, so let's get this party started!

I am now officially a senior in high school, and I gotta say, it is an increeedibly awkward transitional stage I'm in the middle of right now. I mean, on one hand, I cannot wait to graduate and get the hell out of here come June 14th, 2010. (Yes! I already know the date of my graduation! Yaaay!) But on the other hand, I feel like this is my last year entirely absorbed in the city I've spent nearly all of my life in. More than anything, I'm slowly becoming more aware that this is the last time I have guaranteed to spend with my best friends, and I really just wanna make the most of every opportunity.

But dear GOD, I am so sick of high school.

Frankly, I've been pretty much done with this shit since Sophomore year. I mean, I've at least gotten to the point that I'm working hard to do well in my classes, but as far as the whole education thing goes, I'm totally ready to move on to the next thing. This year's still gonna be REALLY hard though. Most people sign up for all the easy classes their senior year, right? Somehow I got stuck in FOUR advanced classes: College Prep Chemistry, AP Literature, AP Statistics, and CIS Spanish 4.* So far, I think I can do it, but I also think it's safe to say that this year's gonna be pretty hellish at points. On top of school, I also have a part-time job, I'm on the leadership team for my church's senior high youth group, I'm writing for Every Girl Blog, and I'm starting the first-ever Twin Cities chapter of the HP Alliance. That is a LOT going on.

Actually, I'm starting to get nervous. The problem is, I'm not sure I can balance school and all of these things I love to do, while STILL making the most out of everything I can. But I guess only time can tell, and we'll just have to wait and see, huh?

* For those of you who don't know, CIS stands for College In The Schools. I get 5 college credits from the U of M each semester. 8DD