Everything.

I'm gonna be okay.

No, really. I'm gonna be fine.

In fact, I'm gonna come out a lot better.

I've got you guys, and that counts for everything.

Oh, also, I'm planning on doing BEDA! My dear friend Maddie is gonna be my BEDA buddy, and maybe Blaze too? Awh, hell. Anyone doing BEDA in Catitude is my BEDA buddy. Let's face it.

I can't promise that I really will be able to blog EVERY day in August, seeing as I move into college on the fourteenth, and who knows how crazy and busy things will be after that? I'm definitely gonna try my hardest though. After all, I came SO close to finishing VEDA back in April, and it drives me crazy that I wasn't able to follow through. So I really really wanna make BEDA work out.

In other news, I got 100 subscribers on Youtube today! Yaaay! I'm planning on filming a video saying thanks and asking what they'd like to hear me talk about during BEDA tomorrow, but meanwhile I have a video I filmed YESTERDAY that I really wanted to upload tonight, but it just didn't happen, so it's gonna have to wait until tomorrow afternoon. I mention the date at the very beginning of the video, so I'm really trying to get it published ASAP, but ugh.

I WANNA SLEEP THOUGH. So yeah. This was just a little update because I've really been meaning to do some blogging and it just hasn't been happening. You guys should leave me topics/questions for BEDA in the comments or on my Formspring page! If you leave them on Formspring, make sure to put BEDA somewhere in it, just so I know to save it for later.

Fifteen days until I move into college.

Things are awesome, even when they don't seem like it.

You guys are great.

Moving Out, Moving On

I've felt very stressed out lately.

No, I guess that's not the right word for it. I've felt positively overwhelmed. Not quite lucid. On edge. Unsure. Unbalanced. Unstable. I have less than one month until I move into my dorm - twenty-four days, I think - and I don't really know what to do, so my brain has made up for this lack of formulated reaction by pretty much throwing me through each emotion it can think of. It's taken a toll.

The combination of the overwhelming emotions of Boston with the overwhelming stress of beginning college has turned me into a mess. That's not to say that I'm entirely unhappy, because there are moments of time when I'm very very excited and enthused and eager to see what waits for me around the corner. I'm very appreciative of all the great things I've been offered this summer, and I have so, so much to be thankful for. But at the same time, I have quite a bit to be afraid of.

I guess one of the biggest problems I'm facing is this bitter feeling of complete unreadiness. I feel totally and utterly unprepared to live on my own. To the point that I'm terrified. And I know. I know that that's what college is for. I understand that part of the point of going to college is to learn the things that make living on your own survivable. But my problem is that I'm not even convinced I can pseudo-live-on-my-own. I'm irresponsible and lazy; I'm undependable and needy; I'm immature and moody. But I'm also passionate and stubborn and belligerent and opinionated, and that means that there isn't really any other option but for me to go.

There is no way in hell I would allow myself not to go to college. I would be miserable and very, very disappointed. But right now, I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to make going to college work either.

I'll figure out something. I always do.