i feel it

This is what it feels like.

It feels like I’ve got this crack. This deep rift in some unknown part of me. A fissure. It stings and it aches and I feel it.

It feels like I’ve got some sort of stitching through it. These strings start out pulled tight, holding together the two sides of this rupture in my skin. And I feel the threads coming loose as the day progresses. I feel them unraveling, and inevitably, I feel them split open.

I feel the pressure of the same wound splitting open again and again. Because the crack runs deep inside of me. Much deeper than external treatments can mend. So again and again, I feel that stinging. I feel that aching buried in my gut.

But every night, I sew myself back together and drift away, hoping that somehow, someway, things won’t feel the same tomorrow.