BEDA 6: Can't Let You Leave

So I was having a pretty good day. I woke up around eleven and sat around for a while, and then I eventually managed to drag my ass out of bed so I could get ready for my haircut appointment. I had a nice time at salon chatting about dogs, college, and religion with my super funky and awesome hair stylist.

I got home feeling a little bit tired, but pretty motivated to keep going and to get some stuff done. I talked on the phone with my Grandma D. for a while to finalize our plans for the night, and after that I headed outside to clean up my car. See, I drive my friends around just about everywhere, since there's only one other person in our group of friends who's willing or able to drive around. As a result, my car has a lot of shit in it. So it took me about an hour or more to clean my car inside and out.

By then, it was time to start getting ready for dinner with my grandparents, so I threw on a new outfit, did up my makeup, brushed my hair, and headed out the door. Dinner was really sweet, and I love spending time with my grandma and grandpa so much. After dinner, I went back to their house. My grandpa retreated back to his office downstairs, and my grandma and I just snuggled up in the same places we sit each time we get together. We probably talked for a good hour and a half, and I feel like we sort of cycled through the same topics over and over again, but that's sort of what I like about chatting with my grandma. We don't really have to talk about anything; it's just nice to be with each other and to enjoy each other's presence.

And then I got home. My family told me that Dessa had called twice, so after sitting down and relaxing for five or ten minutes, I gave her a call back. She said that she and Lu had wanted to know if I would go to Uptown with them, but they were already on their way, so it was too late. I said that that was fine, because I had plenty of things I had to do anyways. That was all swell and great, until Dessa called again two minutes later.

I don't really remember how the conversation started, but Dessa was saying something about how I should really have gotten together with them because Luisa won't be here for long. I explained to her that I had been busy all day, and that there really was no way I could have seen her. And then out of no where, she says something along the lines of "You know, your internet friends are always going to be there." I didn't exactly see where that came from.

I texted her a little bit, asking why she was so upset when she said herself that it was too late for me to come out with them anyways. She texted me back, saying, "Nevermind I'm just gonna miss you." And now I just feel guilty. At first, I was so pissed that she would get upset about me spending time on the internet when I hadn't been online all day, but I think I get it now.

I guess she's just intimidated, because what really works in our friendship is how well we communicate face-to-face. We poke each other and make dumb faces and snuggle and lick and give kisses and laugh and cry, and we can't do that now. I think she's scared that I'll replace her with the internet, and I don't think she realizes how impossible that is.

And I don't think she realizes that I'm just as scared that I'll be replaced as she is. I'm gonna miss her so, so much. And I don't want to lose yet another friend. Dessa's my best friend in the entire world, and I can't bear to lose her.

Days until college: Eight

Last video watched: Who the fuck knows?

Last song scrobbled: "Please Don't Go" by Barcelona